Spices and Shoe Leather
by TheMightyZan
Summary: Lyna Mahariel steps down as Commander of the Grey because she misses a certain assassin.


**I suppose this could be considered a companion piece to my fic "I Found You". In that story Mahariel and Zevran are already established and comfortable, and I found myself wondering how they got that way. This has been floating in my head and I couldn't work on the other till I got it out.  
**

**Warning. Fluffy, very very fluffy. I think I threw up a little in the back of my mouth while writing it.  
**

**Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

The air smelled of hot spices and burnt shoe leather.

She was standing in a port, noise swelling around her from the crowd she was lost in. It was busier than any other city she had ever been to, even Denerim, and overwhelmed her senses. The surge of people bustled around her; seeming not to care about the small Dalish elf within their midst. She clutched at the wood of her bow, and tried to peer around the bodies in front of her. She needed to get her bearings.

She wondered, not for the first time that day, what she was doing. She had every reason to not be here. Her duty, her friends, a chance to return to her clan, even her dog; yet, there was one good reason to be here, and it seemed to outweigh everything else.

He was here.

She patted a hand over a pouch on her belt and recited , in her mind, the letter within from memory.

_...Won't be able to leave... Don't know when I would ever get back... Best to move on..._

She shook her head and shouldered her bow. She needed to get out of the port. Needed to figure out a game plan. She shoved her way past the group that had stopped in front of her. Making her way to the city proper she took a moment to climb atop a crate near a building wall and look out over the marketplace she had come in to.

Antiva City.

She leaned back onto another crate and just stared for a moment. Nothing he had ever told her compared to what she was seeing. It was huge. Loud. It was also somewhat filthy, but then she had actually expected that part.

She jumped as someone yelled at her to get off their merchandise, and she couldn't help but laugh to herself as she dropped back to the street. She definitely wasn't the Hero of Fereldan here. It was an oddly liberating idea. No one expected anything from her, and she could do as she pleased. It was a wonderful thought.

First, she needed a place to stay, and, thanks to Alistair, she would be able to afford at least a decent one for awhile. After that... well, after that she wasn't sure. She really couldn't go around asking everyone she saw if they knew of a ex Crow elf. She didn't want to draw more attention to him. She also couldn't track him. It wasn't that she wasn't good at it, she was, but not in the city. Not when she felt she would be crushed simply by breathing too deeply.

The best thing to do was simply make it known that she was here. If he was around he would surely hear about it, and if she knew him, which she did, he would come to find her. If for no other reason than because he would be curious.

Yes. That was a good plan. Her lips quirked into a smile as she walked into the first inn she came to, and she deepened the smile for the surly looking man behind the desk, her charm oozing out even though she was rumpled and filthy from the journey across the sea.

She complimented the establishment, calling the run down, and slightly crumbling walls charming. She gushed happily that meals were offered. She told him her full name, insisting he call her by her first, and asked the address so that she could let others know where she would be staying since she was sure she would never want to move to another inn when this one was so nice. He blushed when she ran a hand down his arm as he showed her to her room, and stumbled over a thank you when she told him it was simply splendid.

Smiling inwardly to herself she watched him leave, sure that he would have something to talk about with others now. She settled onto the bed, removing her bow and daggers, and heaving a tired sigh before falling back onto the hard mattress.

Step one complete. After a much wanted rest she would start fresh. Make herself known to shop keepers, workers, gentry, whoever she might run into. She didn't wonder so much about how long it would take for him to hear she was here, only how long it would take him to act on it.

As she drifted off she thought that perhaps she wouldn't have to wait too long.

* * *

As it happened, it took three days.

Three days of smiling and talking and getting to know far too many people. Her mind swam with all the names and places, and she was sure she would punch the next person who looked at her daggers and asked if she was looking to join the Crows. Far too many shady creatures had made their way to her, their smiles overly sly, their gazes intense and calculating as they spoke to her.

Like his had been when they had first met, only not as warm.

She had no delusions that at least the higher ups in the Crows knew who she was, and more than likely knew she was here, but she would be damned if she was going to let them try and recruit her.

She trudged her way into her inn, calling a greeting to Bettino, the owner who still stuttered around her, before making her way up the stairs. She missed the forests. She was sick of the heat and the dryness even so close to the ocean. She missed women who spoke like people, and not tittering birds who knew nothing more than how to look coyly up at a man. She missed the other Grey Wardens, and Alistair, who could always find a way to make her smile.

Most of all she missed him, and she prayed to Mythal that he would show up soon. It would make all of this worth it if she could at least know he was still here, he was alive. Maybe, just maybe, he still cared for her.

She knew immediately that her door had been tampered with, and her heart beat in her throat as she stared at the lock; her hand poised with the key just in front of it. It had to be him. Had to.

Breathe.

Her face was impassive as she turned the lock and opened the door. Her eyes scanned the room until they fell on him where he leaned casually against the headboard of her bed.

Brandy colored eyes locked with her own blue ones before she moved into the room and shut the door slowly. They followed her as she went to the table in the corner and deposited her weapons and the bag of supplies she had acquired at the market. Finally she turned back to face him again, her tone light even as she wanted to run at him, and bury herself into his chest.

"Zevran."

"Warden."

She checked the urge to bite her cheek when he didn't say her name. She was on unsure ground. Unsure what his thoughts were. Unsure if he was even happy she was here. His usually expressive face was shuttered, and she felt lost.

She could do this, she was Lyna Mahariel. Dalish hunter, Grey Warden, Hero of Fereldan. She would not let herself be cowed by an assassin who had failed at his job to kill her. She canted her head to the side and dropped her hands as she walked over to the water basin in the corner.

"Water?"

He shook his head and she rolled her shoulder in a shrug. "Well, I want one. I don't know how anyone here takes a step outside without wilting. No wonder the Dalish stop here so rarely."

His eyes never left her as she filled a glass with the tepid water, and then raised it for a sip.

"What are you doing here, Lyna?" His voice was soft. Curious. His posture never changing, but his face finally registering something of interest.

She settled into a seat back at the table and stared at him a moment before replying. She would be honest. She had lied for many reasons in her life. Because of need, because of fear, because she wanted to, but never to him. Not about her feelings, not about anything. She has no intention of starting now.

"I came to see you."

He seemed stumped by that, and she resisted the smile that tugged at her lips. She simply stared at him.

"I thought you would have gotten my letter."

She held up a hand and rummaged in the belt pouch a moment before withdrawing a piece of paper. Standing she made her way over to him, stopping just short of arms length and held it out to him. "Yes, I did." She tsked lightly as he took the note from her, taking care not to brush her fingers. "I never took you for a coward. Sending a letter instead of saying it to my face."

That got his attention. His eyes darkened as his mouth thinned into a line. Oh yes, she knew how to wound him, just as he did her. It took a moment, but his face cleared and a smile tilted his lips, his accent deepening. "I tell you I have decided I am not coming back to you, and that makes me a coward? I thought you would at least appreciate that I let you know. I could have as easily never sent you anything." She clamped down on the fear that entered her as he continued talking. "I have a life here, I am giving the Crows second thoughts. Power. Freedom... Women...Men... I had no urge to return to a place as dreary as Fereldan. I have better things to do than hang onto the coat tails as an afterthought of a too busy warden." His face hardened as he finished. She watched as he checked himself and let his expression relax.

Oh yes, he knew how to hurt her, but she resisted the urge to punch his still smiling face. Instead she stepped away from him, her shoulders rolling again as she went to grab a piece of fruit from the bag on the table. She took a bite, thought briefly that it tasted better then it smelled then focused back on the man near the wall.

"I don't believe I ever said that we had to resume a relationship. I said I came to see you. I thought you might need some help, and I have found myself with some free time. You know how I hate being idle."

He scoffed at her. "Free time, the Commander of the Grey Wardens in Fereldan has free time?"

Apparently she could still surprise him. She took another bite of fruit as she considered her answer. "No. I don't suppose he does."

"He?"

She gave a nod and took another bite, chewing thoughtfully. "Yes. He. I believe his name is Leon." She made a face. "Very Orlesian."

He opened his mouth then shut it again with a shake of his head. Running a hand over his chin he studied her a moment. "Are you not still the Commander?"

She propped her feet on the chair next to her, taking another bite. "No. I stepped down."

"You..." He moved the hand from his chin to his eyes then dropped it and looked back over to her, confusion evident. "You stepped down."

"Yes." She said it simply, seeing no reason to dress it up.

"Why?" His face had closed off again, making her want to run her hand over his cheek. Tell him to relax.

"Because I wanted to. I didn't quit the order or anything, but I thought perhaps I had given enough to at least not devote the rest of my life to them."

His didn't even blink, but she got the feeling he was still looking for something. "Doesn't Alistair care that you have just up and left?"

She took another bite of fruit before dropping it to the table and shooting him a smile. "First, I did not just up and leave. I made sure everything was in order, and the new Commander was settled. I have never been the type to steal away in the night." She sent him a pointed look. "As for Alistair, believe it or not, my friend wanted me to do what I needed to be happy. Very kind if him seeing as I practically forced him to be King and marry Anora. He even gave me funds to make this trip, and told me to let you know he said hello."

He folded his arms over his chest, and pushed away from the bed frame. After staring at her another moment he began pacing, a sign she knew meant he was uncomfortable. He didn't look at her as he asked his next question. "But, why would you leave? You. The same woman who told me there was nothing more important than duty."

She watched him make a few passes in front of her, her hand itching to stay him. "I never said I was giving up on my duty. I am still a warden. I will still be there to help if they have need for me, but I will not give them every moment of the rest of my life."

"Why not?"

She let out a humorless laugh and finally leaned forward, her hand reaching out to his arm, stopping him in his tracks, and surprising him into looking at her. She needed him to look at her.

"Because I have lost enough. Tamlen, my clan, even my best friend to the throne. The Wardens would have everything left of me." She shook her head, trying to make him understand. "I have given enough. I will not spend the rest of the years I have left being crushed under a mantle of authority that I do not want. It is time for me to take control of my own life."

A smile ghosted over his face. "And yet you still have promised to help them."

Nodding she forced a smile back. "Yes, because I do know duty, and I like helping those who need it. But, that does not mean I have to be who they turn to first; I want to reserve the right to say no."

She dropped her hand from him arm then stood and made her way to the door, resting her hand on the knob. "I have told you why I am here, and will continue to extend my help to you should you need it. "

Strong, be strong. Don't let him see you crack.

She pulled the door open and look back at him where he still stood by the table. "You know how to reach me if you need me, but now I think it best if you go."

She watched him walk to the door, then pause beside her, his expression curious again. "What you are telling me, Warden, is that with your new found freedom you decided to come here, and help me."

She nodded. "As I said I wanted to see you. Be here for you. You should have at least one person you know you can absolutely trust."

He stared at her a moment, his eyes searching. When he spoke it was almost a whisper. "What do you want from me?"

She let out an amused huffed, and pulled from her memory; that first night they had been together, and what he had said when she asked him what would happen next. "Only what you are willing to give."

She saw the recognition before his eyes narrowed, and he reached a hand to hers on the door knob pushing until the door clicked closed; leaning over her as he did so. "And if I can't give anything? If I tell you that I don't want you here, don't want your help?" She heard the 'don't want you' even though it went unspoken, and swallowed before replying.

No lies, never lies.

"I would go. You should know though, I would be a very beneficial ally, and I would follow you anywhere."

Another hint of a smile, and his free hand came up to brush a hair away from her face. "Anywhere? My dear Warden, you shouldn't make such promises. I am sure there are places even you would not go."

She shook her head, trying to remember how to breathe. It had been a long time since she had been this close to him. Too close. How had he gained the upper hand? She couldn't think.

"I would rush head long an Fen'Harel himself if it meant I could be with you."

She shouldn't have said that. Why did she tell him that?

She mumbled something even she could not understand, and tried to step away from him her hand tugging from his, and her head turning away. She heard a laugh before feeling him grab at her arm, tugging even as she resisted.

"Lyna."

Her name stopped her struggles, caused her to turn to look at him. When he had her attention he tugged again, causing her to fall into him. She started to apologize but was cut off when his mouth crushed down over hers.

He was kissing her.

She pressed herself up and into him, her hands reaching up to cling at his shoulders as his tunneled into her hair. She didn't know how long it lasted. She hoped it would last forever. He kissed her like he was drowning, and all she could think was that it felt right.

This was where she was suppose to be.

When he broke away from her, breath ragged and loud, words came tumbling out before she could stop herself.

"_Ma emma lath. Emma vhenan'ara_."

He silenced her again, and hitched her into his arms. Dropping her onto the bed, he pulled a laughing gasp of surprise from her before crawling onto the bed himself.

It was a long while before she had the breath to speak again.

* * *

She woke later in her bed, her hand immediately searching out the warm body beside her. She slitted open an eye and met an amused gaze. She shifted to get a better look at him, and watched as he brought a hand up to toy with the earring she wore on a chain around her neck.

"You still have it."

She gave a nod, her hand closing over his around the small jewel. "Of course. You told me you wanted it to show me that you... cared for me."

He slipped his hand from hers, moving it up to trace the tattoo lines under her eye, and across the flame on the bridge of her nose. "I thought I had moved on. It is unseemly for an assassin to have such attachments."

She pushed herself up and over so she landed lightly on his chest, her lips finding his. They stayed that way a long moment, the kiss slow now that the fire had been banked.

Finally she pulled away and found her voice. "Do you still think you have moved on?"

He shook his head, sending her a smirk. "No, I would have to say after what just happened I most definitely still have an itch."

"An itch?" She slapped his chest and rolled away only to be followed by him; reversing their positions. He nuzzled a moment into her neck before speaking again. "If you stay with me... They will try to use you. Against me. I'm in deep, Lyna. I have my hands in many pots."

She reached up to finger the ends of his hair, realizing she had missed the feel of it. "Let them try. I killed an Archdemon, I think I can handle a few Crows."

He laughed into her neck and pushed back to look at her. "I suppose you are right." He stared at her another moment, his smile growing. "_Emma vhenan'ara_." He quoted it back to her, and she vaguely remembered that she had taught him the words what seemed like a lifetime ago. She huffed self-consciously, and buried her face into his chest; his hand come up to smooth over her hair as he spoke again. "I was a fool to think I could escape from you. That I even wanted to."

Looking back to his face she sent him a half smile. "So you are glad I came?"

He gave a nod, his lips skimming over her forehead. "Yes. I told myself I didn't miss you; that I didn't actually feel anything for you, that it was just because you were there, and times were so chaotic, but it wasn't true. I wasn't lying when I told you in my first letter that you are always in my dreams." He bit her earlobe. "Especially the naughty ones."

They sank back into each other, blocking out the sounds of the city, and the increasingly dim light. They would still need to work things out. Still need to talk things over. Start again. However, at this moment neither seemed to care. They knew what they were to each other. Knew they were going to do what was needed to stay together. Compromise would be needed, but that was for another day, and they had time yet to figure it out.

* * *

_Ma emma lath_ - You are my love.

_Emma vhenan'ara_ - My heart's desire.


End file.
